Many of us grew up with the idea that to be a “good friend” we need to be available for every wine party, never say no, and always make room for the people in our lives.
But in the first episode of best friend therapyReleased March 28, hosts Elizabeth Day and Emma Reed Turrell say, “Boundaries are actually a point of connection.
And as best friends for over 20 years, they know a thing or two to make it work.
The podcast, billed as “Two Best Friends. One Therapist. Zero Filter,” takes a warm yet honest look at the challenges of our daily lives, offering understanding, compassion, and practical wisdom.
Boundaries, what they are and why we need them is the topic on the table for the first episode, as the couple discuss how they learned to navigate a close and deep friendship without demanding too much from one another. the other.
Stylist sat down with Day and Reed Turrell to talk the secrets of friendship, the importance of open communication, and what it’s really like to have a best friend as a therapist.
Stylist: Friendships take work, so after many years of friendship, how are you handling your relationship? Have you set rules and limits?
Elizabeth’s Day: “I don’t think we have any rules, but we have a deep understanding of who we both are. Even though I don’t think the best of myself, I know Emma will always think the best of me and that she accepts me unconditionally and there’s something really pure and special about that kind of love. Our limits come from this acceptance.
Now that we have started working together, there is an honesty and clarity in our communication because we know it is underpinned by this fundamental love and acceptance.
Emma Reed Turrel: “I think it’s really interesting when you say that sometimes friendships aren’t easy. In fact, I find it very easy to be friends with Elizabeth because she takes responsibility. I think we let’s model each other’s permission to say whatever we want. So if I send her a whole stream of text messages and she doesn’t respond, I don’t think, ‘What have I done? “I think, ‘I wonder if she’s okay.’
In the episode, Emma talks specifically about how you often reach your personal limits with people sooner than expected. How do you deal with those situations when you know a friend wants more from you but you feel you can’t give?
ERT: “For me, it’s a question of responsibility. The first sign that I have reached my limit is that I feel resentment towards them. When I start resenting someone, I know I have to set boundaries for that person, and that’s my responsibility. I can’t be upset if people cross my invisible line because I haven’t communicated with them. Because that person has a need, but that doesn’t mean I’m the one to fill it.
Friendship is not paracetamol, you are not here to ease people’s pain. It’s important to recognize that sometimes we end up in friendships that aren’t right for us and ending a friendship is really a skill – there are no socially and culturally accepted formats or rituals that you can follow.
Elizabeth, are there any life lessons or mechanics you’ve learned from having a therapist as your best friend?
ED: “Every day I get a truth bombshell from Emma, and I say it in the most amazing way. I ask for them. But she’s not my therapist; I have a therapist, but I understand the value of this incredible combination of her love for me and how years of therapeutic practice have led to these incredible insights she has.
When I was unhappy in marriage but didn’t even realize it, it was Emma who first pointed out to me that maybe I wasn’t. She said a lot of people use masking emotions so they don’t have to deal with the most uncomfortable thing that’s underneath. So maybe I said to him, “I’m a little sad about that,” but I was actually really angry and didn’t know how to express it. She gave me a safe space to do so and helped me through the darkest and most difficult time of my life.
Emma, what was a key moment for you when you were grateful for Elizabeth’s friendship?
ERT: “The thing about Liz is that she is, I think, for a lot of people, but for me in particular, she’s just the most amazing cheerleader and advocate. I can sometimes be a little withdrawn and uncomfortable receiving praise, but she just hit me on the head with it long enough that I was able to open my mind to receive it. She offers it with such skill and generosity that he is truly sure to receive what she offers. It’s her superpower: her emotional intelligence and her availability, and she does that for me every day.
Episode 1 of best friend therapy is available to listen now on Spotify and Apple Podcasts.