Protect Your Marriage With Consequence Therapy


I have been involved in marital matters, both as a participant and counselor for over two decades. I have witnessed successful marriages, troubled marriages as well as failed and near-failing marriages. A common feature of these marriages is the contribution of the working people involved, as husbands and wives. Whatever happens to a marriage, the roles of husband and wife have a lot to do with it. Indeed, without the contributions of the couple, there will be no marriage. Thus, one can conveniently conclude that marriage is “as you lay your bed, you will lie on it”; or in another way, we can say that marriage is gabbage in, gabbage out. All of this is for the most part to be laid squarely on the shoulders of a husband and wife, the result of a marriage, be it a bed of roses or thorns; a paradise on earth, or a hell of hell; a happy life forever or a sad life forever.

So I developed what I call consequence therapy as a way to help married couples plan what their marriage will be like or how it will end. With therapy, married couples can deliberately and carefully take ownership of the outcome or turn of events in their marriage. As the name suggests, consequence therapy is to make every married person think seriously about the outcome of their actions, before taking such actions. This allows for in-depth reflection on the actions one takes that can lead to marriage. It’s like a prior impact assessment. It means look before you jump. The following points should therefore be taken into account before starting.

Communication therapy

This is important given the level of conflict it has generated in many marriages. The truth is that many of us in this part of the world do not know how to communicate effectively. Many marital conflicts, whether or not they lead to separation and divorce, are directly attributable to communication. We talk to each other anyhow, anyhow and anywhere. It’s not uncommon to hear husbands say to their wives “imagine how you talk to me”. Or you may hear a wife complaining to the husband, “how can you tell me I’m stupid”.

This therapy requires you to weigh the impact of your words on your spouse and the likely reaction(s) to it. For example, if you call your husband a bastard, you must have thought about how he is likely to respond. Will he slap you? Or tell you that you miss home training?. In any case, will you be ready to bear such consequences? If this escalates into a physical fight, what will be the impact on your marriage, your children and your relationship with in-laws. This analysis will help you determine what to say to your spouse so as not to jeopardize your relationship.

Sex therapy

This requires weighing the impact of your sexual decisions or acts on your marriage. Your sexual decisions have to do with your spouse’s involvement in terms of availability for sex. Are you playing your sex game in marriage for mutual satisfaction, or is your spouse at your mercy? Is sex a bargaining weapon? Is it available based on your spouse’s ability to fulfill your desires in other areas? When you conduct your sex life in a way that robs your spouse of sexual satisfaction, the consequences are always serious. You have to analyze your sexual conduct according to the question of sexual satisfaction, which if not satisfied could lead to your spouse’s infidelity.

Another sexual conduct is extramarital affairs. You have to weigh it well before entering it, to know if you can live with the serious consequences. Many lives and marriages have been ruined because of infidelity. So you have to count the cost if it is something you would be able to afford.

Also, consideration should be given to other relationships involved in the marriage. They are children, parents, siblings and friends. You can’t afford to jeopardize those relationships, just like that. You need to weigh how a crisis in your marriage will affect those other relationships. It’s painful to see a once happy family torn apart by marital strife. This can have permanent adverse effects on them. So keeping this in mind also helps to stay sane in your marriage.

My view on this consequence therapy is that if applied, many ruined marriages would be averted and the loss of life of those affected would be saved or saved, as the case may be. I think this therapy is worth trying.




Comments are closed.