Some couples fall in love, get engaged, and then start talking about life-changing topics, like kids and finances. But marriage therapist Landis Bejar says that waiting until you have a ring on your finger to bring up these important issues can be a problem, as you may find that you and your partner want different things and envision a different future. Of course, you don’t want to talk about serious things on your first date either, so when’s a good time to make sure you’re on the same page? When you start to feel serious for each other, according to this expert.
These are the big discussions Landis says couples need to have BEFORE the proposal:
â Children – Before you agree to spend your life with your SO, you should ask them whether or not you want children, how many you want them, and how you feel about parenthood. And it’s a good idea to hang out with the kids as a couple, if you can, to get a feel for things and spark conversations about parenting.
â Money – People don’t really like talking about money, but discussing personal finances with your partner is crucial as it impacts just about every aspect of your life. Even if you don’t plan on combining your money with theirs when you get married, Landis explains, âYou want to be on the same page because there is a lot of variability in what partners expect or how. which they manage their money. “
â Family – You and your future spouse may have different ideas about the role your parents and extended family will play in your life. Depending on the marriage therapist, you want to get a feel for how often you expect to see your in-laws and how involved you think they will be with your children.
â Cultural and religious differences – Even if you have a similar background and were raised in the same religion, you may have different feelings about this. Addressing these things earlier in the relationship can make wedding planning easier afterward.
â Gender – Don’t assume that you will automatically agree on gender. Landis encourages couples to speak openly about their expectations for intimacy when considering marriage so that a difference in libido does not lead to conflict.